The Best of the Best (with Honors): Part 1

I think it's obvious I've stopped blogging for a while. I'd offer some lame excuse, but I don't believe in them. But I am willing to make up for it. I'll be posting my top five favorites in a variety of categories for the next few weeks. I'm taking the best new Facebook application--Living Social's Pick Your 5--to the next level. Face it: some things just can't be explained in quick phrase and a photo. And if you know me, you know I need more words than three to fully express myself.

Today's Category: Best Movie Scenes of All Time

This entry is dedicated to Zac Efron, star of the best movie I've seen in the theater in a long while. 17 Again features our current top heartthrob as a 37-year-old who gets transformed into his 17-year-old self. During the transformation scene, where Zac is wearing a full suit while in the shower, my sister leans over to me and says, "It's like Cary Grant in Charade." Sure enough; 17 Again pays an excellent homage to that Grant-Hepburn classic which is one of the entries in my top five list.

5. The closing scene of What's Up, Doc? I'm including the entire sequence at the airport and on the plane as a part of this selection, although some portions of it are more about wrapping up the film's many plotlines than the credentials that put this scene on the list. Mostly, I just don't want to exclude any of the perfect dialog delivery between funny lady Barbra Streisand and straight man Ryan O'Neal. Plus, Ryan's final line is delivered to deadpan perfection. Who doesn't love a guy with a few quirks, or one who's willing to make fun of his most famous role? And the final kiss is probably in the top five most unique and memorable on film, too. Overall, this scene qualifies because of how well it wraps up a great movie and pays tribute to other moments in pop culture.

4. The "mashed potatoes" scene from While You Were Sleeping. I've personally watched this scene dozens of times, and I've come to the conclusion that it achieves the perfect mix of dialog. There are at least three simultaneous conversations going on here; it's hard to determine the actual number because they blend together so seamlessly in the scene's payoff. Floating around in this dinner table conversation are some of life's greatest questions, such as "why are mashed potatoes so satisfying?", "are most good film actors tall?", "do guys like girls who remind them of their mothers or not?" and "why does Argentina have such great beef?" Sure, in this tribute it sounds more like a Will-It-Blend experiment gone wrong, but if you know what I'm talking about, you really know what I'm talking about, even though some people in the scene itself have no idea what they're talking about.

3. The "water lady" scene from Return to Me. This selection comes from another all-around great film that uses similar conventions to the previous film: a cast of great older actors who have nothing better to do than sit around philosophizing retirement. Return to Me has plenty of great scenes like that, but this one does not primarly feature that generation. Instead, this is the classic sequence where boy meets wrong girl and right girl at the same time. David Duchovny proves that it's okay for a guy to be totally transparent when showing he likes a girl, and the audience likes that girl right along with him because she gets an appropriate amount of vindication on "water lady." Anyone who's ever worked in a service industry will cheer for Minnie Driver's clever but subtle revenge.

2. The shower-in-a-suit scene from Charade. Cary Grant is just too adorable in this scene. His antics are a great way to comfort the tramatized recent widow played by Audrey Hepburn, queen of the brunettes. Forgive me for getting a little cheeky and/or English major-y on you, but I think showering in a suit is a symbolic way of saying, "You're more important than my well-tailored suit." Plus, it's a way of satisfying two Cary Grant fantasies in one magical scene: Cary Grant in a suit, and Cary Grant in the shower. Thirty magical seconds that have stood for over forty years. Plus, Mr. Grant is portraying a sharp dressed detective, and you should know by now that I have a soft spot for those.

1. The garage dancing scene from West Side Story, featuring "Cool." The single greatest cinematic sequence ever captured. In fact, if this scene were only five seconds long, it would still make this spot on my list, as long as those five seconds looked like this. The remaining Jets line up along one wall of the garage, squat down with loose arms, and move forward snapping and jumping over their arms like they're an invisible rope. I hope you know what I'm talking about, but if you don't, do yourself a favor and find out. Kudos to Jerome Robbins for being a genius. All choreographers bow at his throne. Kudos to Iceman for leading the Jets after Riff's untimely death. And for his intense eyes. And for executing this dance sequence perfectly. Crazy. Cool. Go.

(I know. It's not the same, but this gives you the basic idea of what I was trying to describe...)

Honorable mentions in this category include the train scene from North by Northwest, the presidential flashcards scene from That Thing You Do!, the mud fight scene from McClintock!, and the volleyball scene from Top Gun.