A Sabrina

Some days you just need a Sabrina.

You know, an opportunity to fly off to Paris to escape your current life. A chance to write nonsense in a journal by a European river for three months.

Because when you come back from your Sabrina, your hair looks like this,

and you can crack an egg with one hand.

When you come back from your Sabrina, the male suitors are pursuing you:

driving you around in their cars,


or calling you on the phone,


or dancing with you at fancy dinner parties,

or taking you on boat rides for two.


When you come back from a Sabrina, you no longer think sad thoughts


like that one.

But...


Today, I needed a Sabrina.

My Sweet Baboo, Times Three

According to School House rock, three is the magic number. If something great happens, you give three cheers. And everyone knows the third time's the charm. Of course, three's also a crowd, three strikes and you're out, and be sure to let leaves of three be.

Today, three is good. For me. But bad for Charlie Brown.

Yesterday I found this great website that pays tribute to my favorite comic strip, Peanuts. It calls itself 3eanuts because the founder of the web page realized that Peanuts is very depressing if you only read the first three panels. Check it out.

There are many reasons why I love Peanuts, certainly more than three, but I think my favorite is Linus, the blanket-carrying child philosopher. I like his name, too. I would have no qualms about naming my children Linus and Lucy (except that Linus rhymes with sinus, and I love my unborn children more than that.) Even so, here are two more reasons to love the name Linus.

Sabrina. I've actually never seen the Audrey Hepburn version all the way through, but I think the 1995 version with Julia Ormond is classy and classic. Greg Kinnear always makes me laugh, I love Sabrina's hair and wardrobe--but what I love most is Harrison Ford as Linus Larrabee, also known as "the world's only living heart donor." They say in the movie that Linus Larrabee is lonely, but I can't imagine why. The man lives in a tux, went to Yale, and is quite the charmer.


Ocean's 11. There are three Ocean's movies, and there are three handsome reasons to watch them--George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Matt Damon. But only Matt Damon is named Linus. Only Matt Damon has that slightly insecure new thief act going for him. Only Matt Damon can make getting your wallet stolen on the L train in Chicago seem like a fun activity. Only Matt Damon can wear a fake nose with dignity. Thievery never looked so good.


But Linus from Peanuts is still my favorite Linus. Do a little dance with your blanket. Three cheers for Linus, my sweet baboo.

When Happy Is Sad

I never cry in movies. Never. Often, I am deeply moved, intellectually stirred, or emotionally jarred. But my eyes refuse to spill their tears.

Except for tonight, when I went to perhaps the happiest movie in the theaters right now, Tangled. It's Disney; it's a princess; it's true love. What could be sad about that?

The true love part. Because after asking two guys out in two days and getting two "I'm busy"s, a girl's heart is only so far from the edge of breaking.

And her heart definitely can't take it when a girl who lived her whole life in a tower falls for the first guy she EVER meets and captures his heart, too. All in two days.

And her heart doesn't like it when those same two share a perfect gondola ride with magic lanterns everywhere. That's when she starts to cry. At the happy parts. Because they seem so foreign, ethereal, unobtainable, distant, mocking. And sad.

What Part of 'Bacon' Don't You Understand?

For all you bacon lovers out there, here's a strange list of bacon products. If you know anything about Even Stevens, you'll understand why this is perfect for Bernard "Beans" Arengaren. And if you know anything about the Kevin Bacon game, you'll understand the not very related list that follows.

Shia LaBeouf starrred in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with...
Karen Allen, who starred in The Sandlot with...
Denis Leary (who looks a bit like Kevin Bacon).


Shia LaBeouf starred in The Greatest Game Ever Played directed by...
Bill Paxton, who was in Apollo 13 with...
Kevin Bacon, who is the reason for this game in the first place.

My Kind of Cougars

The whole world is probably aware of the BYU basketball situation going on right now. And I don't want to add to the rhetoric surrounding the team and its recently suspended player. Because all four people who read my blog know where I stand on this one.

But I do want to make one observation. All the serious news sources commenting on BYU's actions protecting and defending the honor code are lauding the school for its integrity in a sporting becoming more and more about money and less and less about good sportsmanship. And all the self-inflated, comedic "news" sources can only focus on the nature of the transgression and the out-of-date-edness of BYU, the LDS church, and Mormons all around. I guess when your main goals is laughs and not respect, you'll do anything to get one, including throw away all semblance of moral values unless they line up with popular opinion.