Monday, August 8, 2011

The Equation of Attraction

For the record, I think guys who can do math--really hard math--are sexy. Here's a visual presentation of why.

And one I just thought of tonight that I should have recognized a long time ago...

Hair Idol: Minnie Driver

I came home tonight to my roommates watching one of the best romantic comedies ever: Return to Me. And as Minnie Driver started dancing with David Duchovny in the garden-in-the-middle-of-the-city, I remembered something. I want her hair in this movie.

I mean, look at it.

So, despite the fact that she constantly wears florals with florals, I want her hair.

And I realized tonight that I also want parts of her life.

1. She dated Matt Damon.

2. She played Bennie in the film adaptation of Circle of Friends (which is not as good as the book, but still has Chris O'Donnell).

3. She gets to capture David Duchovny's heart, even if it was only in a movie.

4. A man followed her all the way to Italy for a kiss, even it it was only in a movie.

5. She dated Matt Damon, and that was not just in a movie.

Who dates Matt Damon and then stops dating Matt Damon? Women who have hair that's too good for Matt Damon, aka Minnie Driver.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Song Lyrics Interpreted: MMM Bop

This is the first post in what will hopefully be many more. I think my college training in literary analysis has seeped into my enjoyment of pop culture. Because I can hardly ever listen to a song without imagining the story behind it.

I also have a deep and abiding love for the greatest work of humor writing this side of Jonathan Swift, Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs. If you know anything about 60s and 70s pop rock, do yourself a favor and read this book.

In the book, Dave dedicates a whole chapter to "Songs People Get Wrong," a ubiquitous category of music wherein songs have lyrics but even the lyricists aren't sure what they are. Famous examples include "Help Me, Rhonda" by The Beach Boys and "Louie Louie" by The Kingsmen.

For my generation, there's "MMM Bop" by Hanson. I remember when I first heard this song on the radio. My mom thought they were like the Jackson 5. As in, African American. Come to find out, they weren't. But them boys sure had long hair.

If you had to write out the lyrics to "MMM Bop" right now without the help of the internet, I doubt that any but diehard Hanson fans could do it. I looked them up tonight, and they stunned me. I've been singing them wrong for so long. But I kind of like my lyrics. They've grown on me.

Whitty's lyrics: "Yes, I made it in an ancient chimney's night, but he wanted to relax."
Actual lyrics: "You have so many relationships in this life, only one or two will last."

Whitty's lyrics: "And it goes through the fence."
Actual lyrics: "And they're gone so fast."

Also, the chorus is probably just what you think it is--a string of nonsense words over a great melody and danceable beat.
Also, there is an entire verse which acts as an extended gardening metaphor.
Also, there is a line that wants to be from "When I'm Sixty-four": "When you get old and start losing your hair, can you tell me who will still care?"

The Hanson brothers can. They have decidedly less hair nowadays, but still plenty of fans to attend their concerts. Like me in about a month.

Mixed Signals

I broke down and contacted him. It had been a month. I figured he would at least want to be friends. He did.

He also wanted to rush home from his weekend away and ask me on a last-minute date on Saturday night. I said yes. I didn't realize I was so quick to forgive.

His car was playing Michael Buble when he picked me up. What are the chances that he was just listening to that? Slim. I was tickled. (Not literally. That would be weird.)

It took ten minutes into the date with a group of people we barely knew (he barely knew; I knew not at all) for the romantic tension to be shattered with a "How'd you guys meet?"

And I knew he wasn't going to hold my hand. Because he was seeing me as Sister What's-Her-Name again, even if only for a moment.

I guess it didn't matter that I changed out of that shirt I wore as a sister missionary.